Hello internet.
I know I know according to my previous posts,
I'm supposed to be dead or dying or lying in a pool of my tears somewhere.
But I'm not. Whether you think that's a good thing or not is for you to decide.
SO.
Quite a bit has happened over the past... few months.
But today I just wanted to write about something - growing up.
When we were 6, we couldn't wait to turn 13.
We couldn't wait to be called a teenager.
When we were 13, we couldn't wait to turn 16.
Because in the western world, 16 is a celebrated age.
When we were 16, we couldn't wait to turn 18.
M18 movies, driving licenses, actually being taken seriously.
I'm turning 20 this year. I know it isn't much.
But even at this point of time, I don't want to age anymore.
And here's why.
I'm graduating from poly this year.
And when you're graduating from tertiary education,
you actually have to make decisions that matter.
There are so so so many questions that people will ask you, and you will ask yourself.
And sometimes, you just don't have an answer for these questions.
Are you going to uni?
Which uni do you want to go to?
What are you going to study?
Uni is EXPENSIVE,
honestly getting a diploma isn't much.
Up till this point, you can still afford to switch your 'profession', your field of study.
I'm not saying you can't once you get your degree,
but it means that you'll have to start from ground 0 [or 1, depending on how different your new field is] from like, level 4
And like I've already mentioned - uni is EXPENSIVE.
The truth is, I DON'T KNOW what I want to study.
Currently I'm just shrugging and answering 'I guess I'll study media'
But that's just to get them off my back.
Imagine if I said 'I wanna study engineering'
The next question would be 'THEN Y U TAKE DIPLOMA IN MEDIA'
*Just an example, I don't actually want to do engineering.
But for me, I've already decided that I'm not going to jump straight into uni until I know what I really want to study. I don't have that kind of money to go to uni twice or more if I decide to switch field.
Moving on
I have two options -
Continue as an account executive in the advertising industry, or pursue my passion of performing.
For most people, the answer is simple
"PURSUE YOUR PASSION LAH, YOU'LL NEVER HAVE TIME TO DO IT IN THE FUTURE"
This is the problem.
I have 2 offers as an account executive.
The pay is pretty decent, and it can DEFINITELY help when I finally decide to go to university.
I have 0 offers as a performer.
There are 2 auditions up and coming, but who knows if I will pass them?
I mean, I'm definitely not the best dancer around.
I'm learning still, but I'm probably competing with people who are really good already.
To make matters worse,
I actually have to push back my flight to Bangkok for my grad trip and pay extra because of the flight switch.
My trip gets cut short, I have lesser money to spend.
Just so that I can make it for one of the auditions.
And I can't help but wonder
WHAT IF I DON'T GET IN?
I would totally regret pushing my flight back...
I really want to go ahead and pursue my passion.
But there's so much sacrifice and buts and ifs involved.
It's such a scary thing.
I'm currently really lost on what I want to do, on what I should do.
So if you're reading this,
Do let me know your opinion.
Text me, comment, put it on my ask.fm anonymously.
It really would help.
Till next time that I have something to get off my chest
Bunz x
