Utopia.

HELLO (:

Yes I know ,
WHERE HAVE I BEEN FOR 19 DAYS?
Well, honestly?
I've been hiding.
From everything in life.
HA.HA.

But I swear, I'm so much better now (:
I don't have to hold back tears in front of people anymore.
Because there aren't any.
Yes I don't deny that when it's dark and I'm alone in my room,
I do feel the tinge of loneliness and sadness
But doesn't everyone?
Okay maybe not.
Sorry :P

Anyways,
I've quit my job at the cafe.
Because I need to start making time for myself.
And also because I can't really cope with studies ><

So.. MingZe came to visit me on my last day! Yippee

WHERE. ARE. MY. EYES.

Anyways,
So this week has been a pretty good week so far.
I've finally made time for myself.
[Okay I didn't make time, the event today got cancelled]
And honestly I didn't know what to feel or what to do.
All I've done for the past 2 months is
work work work work work.
I don't have time for myself,
No time to work out [YES I GREW FAT I KNOW]
Rarely have time to spend with friends.
And most importantly,
don't have time for me to just rest.
Like I'm constantly working.
So today's event got cancelled.
And I was just like '?!?!?!'
And I went home.
I showered, changed, etc.
Sat on my bed, 5:30pm.
Next thing I know,
I open my eyes and it's 8pm

I feel so recharged and so much better.
I finally know what it means to make time for yourself.
Even if it's just sitting at home
Watching shows
Or sleeping.
Just .. being alone and being worry-less for
those few minutes/hours.
It feels sooooo good.

Oh yes.
So on Monday I met with Mou for dinner
HAHAHA Awkward much?
I'm an awkward person, in case you didn't already know
But I had a great time. (:
Hopefully we'll meet up again before December
Anyways, here's some pictures
I look terrible I know oh well.

Freaking iphone 6 cameras need to maintain with their good quality.

Here I am moping over my terrible camera .

OH WELL :P

Oh yes! I met up with HuiMin too <3 I missed her soso much.

Felt so good to talk to her and all again.

She's been there for me since I was the one attending FOC trainings.

And I've ever so thankful for her <3 

[throws up at how terrible I look] 

Life in USS is still amazing as usual.

Here's the ever so good looking Scorpion King. :D

 I actually have one with Puss in Boots too.
But... NAH :P

Okay so I literally have nothing else to post about.

Do entertain me! I have a boring life. 

ask.fm/iffyliciouszxc

Okay that's all for now

Thanks for reading <3 

BTW: Can someone please explain to me what's it like to be pretty.

Like, do you feel more confident and stuff?

Coz honestly I look at every picture of myself and I wanna puke.

HAHAHAA Okay bye!

deluctio

In sheep's clothing.

Little did she know... She was the wolf.

SCROLL DOWN FOR HAPPY THOUGHTS

So... hi?

HAHAHA I don't even know where or how to start blogging.
And I know. I haven't been posting happy posts.
I know I know.
And honestly, this isn't exactly a happy one either.

So if you're looking for happy posts,
they'll be back soon.
I promise.

But for now, I'm just going through a really tough period.
And I just want to give up.
Every single day, it's a struggle 
it's a war in my head.
A fight to stay alive and not kill myself.

It sucks to see how much I've plunged downward.
And how close I am to relapsing into depression once more.
I don't want to go back.
But the amount of sadness I feel the instance I wake up.
Increases as the day goes by.
By the time I go to sleep,
My pillow is soaked with tears
and I'm ready to just
Close my eyes and never open them again.

Someone, somehow please take me back to the times where I used to be so happy.
Everything's going wrong.
And I'm feeling so alone.
I really am.

Maybe I'm wallowing in self-pity,
sure you may despise me for that.
But honestly, my blog is just a channel for me to express my thoughts
and feelings in words.
Because I dare not do that in real life.
I try so hard every single day not to cry in front of anyone.
I'm just constantly trying to keep it together.

Everyone around me tells me that I'm a strong girl.
But honestly, I'm not.
I am crumbling every single second.
And I don't know how much longer I can keep it together
I'm not as strong as what others think.
I wish I was.


ANYWAYS
here's some happy stuff I guess!
Halloween this year was eventful
Okay so if you didn't know, I was pikachu last year.
Yes you may now laugh at me

Okay so yup. This year I wanted to be a character from Once Upon A Time [UOAT]

But honestly I didn't have that much time to prepare my costume.

Otherwise I guess I would've been Anna from Frozen.

Ha.Ha.Ha

So this year I decided to be Red 

because of Red/Ruby from UOAT

If you don't watch UOAT, you should.

Okay I know Red/Ruby is so so so so much prettier

This is what she looks like 

Omg such perfection.

Anyways, I really love her character.

I guess I somewhat relate to her.

I also really relate to Mulan [except for when we last saw her. Not saying what happened coz it's such a spoiler]

And a lot to Regina. Well.. Cause we're all heartless and sad people.

Anyways. 

Here's Halloween 2014!

I had 2 halloween events.

the CASS halloween event on 30 Oct,

which went pretty well (:

With Danielle. Thank you for helping me with my makeup <3 

Then there's SX who had such a hard time with his mask

the entire night . HAHA

And Lynette, so cute :3 

Vince came to find me coz he happened to be in school

So tadah. Pictures with "Waldo"

And here's Kenneth. I didn't have my hood

coz we took a picture at the last minute

After I removed my lip stain and hood already

And here's 05. Such a gorgeous bunch.

Sad that we will be at ITP next year and we won't

be able to spend 3 hours dressing up and doing make up

for Halloween again ): 

I look slightly scary here.

Okay just a note, I was supposed to be 'evil' for this event.

I had a retractable knife. Which I lost in the party room

Oh well.

Here's the picture spam for day 1 

This is my personal favourite

Okay so on 31st October

My church had an event called "Halo-wins"

You're only allowed to dress as a good character.

So.. Yup. I had a basket instead of a knife.

So here are some pictures I took

I have others but they are in someone else's phone

and hasn't been sent over yet.

[P.S - Can you guess which one of them is my sibling?]

Pretty obvious isn't it.

Yup okay that's all.

I'll be back soon.

Hopefully happier. (: 

"The evil queens are the princesses that were never saved" - Maleficent

mortua est