Screwed

Was really looking forward to dance today.

Dance really makes things so much better 

But no, got given last minute work again. Literally at the last minute.

Had to skip class. 

No dance, 

Cigarettes in the desk drawer, 

A broken heart,

Tonight is going to be the most painful thing ever. 

On the plus side 

I've been spending loads of time with a cat I named Scrappy.
Every day I just sit there and talk to him. Yes I talk to a cat.
Till 11pm comes and I have to drag myself back home.. And the worst part of the day passes slowly 

And I probably will keep spending time with him.

He just sits on my lap and purrs while I bawl my eyes out. 

So yay. More time to spend with Scrappy today.

Sometimes I'd wish that he'd appear and we'd take of Scrappy together like we used to.
Sometimes I'd wish he'd appear to wipe the tears away and tell me it'll be okay.
But reality hits, he's gone.
'Us', 'we', 'our' 'together',
All gone.
Get that in your head and more importantly, in your heart Val.

Help.
Before I'm gone as well.

Once upon a time

10:13am.

I pretty much got zero sleep last night.
I'm so so tired.

I remember once he was like that.
I don't know if it's fair to judge like that,
but he deleted everything and threw it all away so easily.
I guess maybe he didn't love me as much I thought he did.

Period cramps are a bitch. But they distract me from the emotional pain that I can't seem to rid of.

Sigh.

Help me.

I can feel myself slowly falling back into depression but I can't seem to stop falling.
It's getting harder and harder to breathe
It's getting tougher and tougher to resist the urge of breaking out the blades.

This is an open cry. Before the demons take over me and all I can think about are ways to leave this place. Before I lose my sanity. Or anything else.


Help me.
Someone.
Anyone.

Another day to go.

Hi,

It's currently 9:54am and I have no idea why I am typing this.
But I guess this page is going to be a little bit more active.
It's just going to be somewhere that I will vent.
And hopefully next time when I feel down,
I'll read back on all these posts and see how far I've come,
how strong I've grown.

It's getting so difficult to smile.
Don't get me wrong - I smile all the time. I smile to myself when I hear a nice song come on.
I smile when I see an animal do something stupid.
But the instance that bubble bursts,
and I realise that I am not in some wonderland with dancing unicorns and blasting music,
I can't smile.
"Are you okay?"
'Yeah. I'll be fine'.
I can't even force out a fake smile.

I just want to hug the person and cry, and cry.
and cry.

Currently relying on meds to sleep once more.
Otherwise I'd be crying through the nights.
And well, that sucks.

Thankful for the things that I still find comfort in.
Otherwise I have no idea how I would still be staying strong, staying alive.

I feel like I'm in quicksand,
and just waiting for it to consume me.

I'll then hide in the darkness, forever.

Hello from the other side

So after many many months,

HI. 

I know, it's been so long. And honestly,

I only feel the need to type something here whenever I'm upset.

It's just my way of expressing stuff. Forgive me.

So... Here's something I'm experiencing for the very first time.
The pain of a break up.

You guys probably already know. But I was in a relationship for 7 months.
Before the brutal ending that has left me curling up into a fetal position and crying myself to sleep every night.

I was happy.
I was so happy.

For once in my life I knew that I had someone else who was there for me,
someone who would hug me tight even when my eyes were puffy, my nose was red and snot was flying everywhere.

I knew that I had someone that would look out for me. 

I knew that I had a reason to stay alive and happy.

Well, I guess even the best thing in my life had to be taken away from me.

Everything comes to an end.

It feels as though the remains of my heart has been ripped out of my chest, used as five stones, ran over by the stampede in Lion King, and burnt to a crisp. Just waiting for the cold howling wind to blow it away, where it'll disappear forever, never to be found again.

Hello to the familiar dark depressing feeling of being completely alone and the familiar pangs of heartbreak.

Honestly, I've been telling everyone that I'll be okay.
But the truth is that I'm just saying that so that I'll hopefully eventually believe that I'll actually be okay.
But I'm not.

Reality check.
I'm burying myself in tons and tons of work.
My lunch breaks have gone from 2 hours to 15 minutes.
I chomp down my food and rush to sit in front of the laptop again, 

leaving my mind no time to wander off into the deep dark place where depression looms.

I fear the night.
I fear the time where I am forced to lie in my bed, stomach feeling like its a giant dead knot, tears rolling down my cheeks quickly, as if they were racing one another.

My only sources of comfort?
- Typing this out

- The never ending amount of work I bury myself in

- The momentary relief that cigarettes bring

- The pockets of sleep I get before I wake up crying.

I'm not okay. 

Do I wish that the break up never happened? Yes.
Do I wish that we'd try to fight for the relationship? Yes.

Do I wish that I still had the only person I've ever fully trusted on this planet? Yes. A thousand times yes.

But wishes don't come true. 

One of the happiest days in 2015 :D

HELLOO!
So from the title above I'm sure you can tell that this post is gonna be a pretty happy one.
Well, because everything has been pretty dull and dark lately.
I'm just trying to celebrate the happy moments (:

Ooh before anything! I just have to say that I don't know why but I'm obsessed with "Forbidden Voices" - Martin Garrix.

So just a small update as to what's happening in my life,
I'm currently interning until the end of April,
and I spend most of my weekdays at SCAPE.
Yep so if you happen to be there and wanna have dinner or something
Just drop me a text (:
I'm okay with my intern, but I guess it does get very dull sometimes.
And some of the things I do I really don't see the reason as to why I do them.
But then again, I guess that's intern life right? HAHAH.

In intern I'm treated like a secretary, like on top of the other stuff we do.
I do minutes and apparently buy drinks for the rest of the team. HAHA.
Oh well, 6 more weeks of intern to go.
[Sighs].

And kinda the worst part is that this isn't my actual intern that is required for my school.
But yeah, it's good experience in a way.
And I do enjoy editing videos so it isn't that bad.

[Still rather work in USS everyday though].

ANYWAYS

A very good friend of mine left for China a week ago,
and not having him around really sucks.
Oh well.

Anyways, moving on to a happy day :D

If you're a new reader, HI.
I'm Val, and I work at USS.
USS is now having their Easter Eggstravaganza!
A number of the characters in the park are wearing adorable costumes.
And on Sunday, YK & ST invited me to go to the park with them
YAAAY
So I accepted, since I have nothing to do anyways.

I had one of the best days I've had so far in 2015!
Like omg. I was so happy throughout the day :D
And the star guides who took pictures for me all took really nice ones!
This is one of my favourites

Look how adorable we look together :D 

Also in love with this polaroid! 

Two bunnies in one picture!

I simply CANNOT get over the fact that we now have EB [Easter Bunny] in the park

Looking at him makes me so happy <3 

(Does help that we know them well teehee we get nice photos)

So we ran around the park for the whole day

From 10+ till 6+

Started off with pictures with Po,

and ended the day by watching When I grow up (WIGU)

Which is something I hadn't watched prior to Sunday 

So because ST is a professional photographer,

He has like the best cameras to play with ever.

So basically the two of them were like tourists,

running around pointing the camera at any and everything.

But hey, I got a few nice shots too

Which is rare coz I look terrible in candid photos.

SO HERE COMES THE PICTURE SPAM :3 

I'll first post the pictures with the characters in the park,

then I'll post those w my colleagues and my weirdass faces that my friends caught on camera.

So first up - Po! :D 

[Okay I only remember the first one was Po, the rest of the pictures are not in order :P ]

We went to see the Madagascar boogie and I had to take pictures

with one of my favourite characters, Alex! :D 

We went to look for Shrek and Fiona,

They purposely turned behind and didn't wanna take pictures

with us ):

Shrek y u no want take pic w me ): 

Okay I'm over it bye Shrek

YAY A PROPER PHOTO :D 

 EB! :D 

Dat ass tho :P 

[So much thanks to the Indian lady who tried to cut queue and ended up photobombing]

Next up - Woody & Winnie Woodpecker! :D 

PINOCCHIO! 

Honestly I was so happy to see him because 

The previous two times I went to the park I didn't get to take pictures with him ):

I love the fact that the castle was in the shot too! :D 

Okay next up

[fangirl screams]

THE ADORABLE MINIONS IN THEIR EASTER WEAR

OMGOMGOMGOMOGMOGMOMGOMGOMG SO CUTE

And here's Puss in Boots / Kitty Softpaws with their golden eggs! :D 

[If you get the reference of the golden eggs, you are amazing]

And here are pictures with the gorgeous Nile Princess 

and the Anubis Guards (: 

Of course, who can forget about the Sesame Street characters? :D 

I can't get over Grover.

And also, Cookie and Oscar!

Unfortunately we didn't get to see Abby ):

But still!

Look at Oscar omg 

Why Oscar why. HAHAHAH

Its k I still love you

So much adorable-ness in one photo . I can't I just can't.

Speaking of Oscar, here's two photos of him looking so cute 

during the Our Favourite Things street show 

And here's two pictures I took during WIGU coz Abby is <3 

So damn cute omg

So, MOVING ON, here are pictures with my colleagues at USS! 

Let's start off with Saed!

He's a new friend of mine, somehow we just click ah.

HAHH this is his face when he saw me at the park.

So priceless! HAHAHAH

So of course we had to take pictures together

Needless to say, this^ is my favourite picture

Next up, Grace! Fellow star guide :D 

And here's Fadzil.

For those of you who follow my instagram,

you would know I took a picture with him and posted it.

Then removed it.

Here's my explanation why 

He's just a good friend of mine, and I didn't want anyone to get the wrong idea.

His face is quite retarded so yeah.

And it fit the caption 'When bae doesn't luv u bak'

But ofc, he isn't my bae lah huh. HAHAHA! 

Okay yup so here's the picture.

Okay next up , Nut and Faiz! :D

Happened to bump into them along the way.

These two are colleagues that I'm insanely thankful for.

They are such sweet people, really :D 

Next, the guys from Sci-Fi. (: 

Okay so the rest would be me and YK/ST :D 

Oh right and Fad.

With the Cruisers singing their beautiful songs behind us :D 

And here's a touristy shot of ST and I. HAHAHA

Okay the rest of this post is just uninteresting pictures of me

That were taken. I look pretty funny in some of them

Okay pls enjoy laughing at me.

My face when I found out that EB was coming out for set.

So this was when I was playing with bubbles.

Unfortunately the bubbles popped before the picture was snapped

Okay so USS is now selling Easter themed sesame street plushies.

And I want them all omg D: 

My face when I saw the price.

Cookie is just like 'HALP'.

Y u taking my peekture.

I don't know if you can see,

but apparently my friend said that I was blushing..

So yup..

OKAY THAT'S ALL FINALLY YOU HAVE REACHED THE END OF THIS BLOG POST.

HEHEHE I'm sorry for the picture spam,

but I really am happy with the pictures taken at the park.

Okay I'll try to update again soon!

Thank you for reading <3 

Ask me questions here please :3

I have an extremely boring life.

Okay bye! :D

Bunny x