Another day to go.

Hi,

It's currently 9:54am and I have no idea why I am typing this.
But I guess this page is going to be a little bit more active.
It's just going to be somewhere that I will vent.
And hopefully next time when I feel down,
I'll read back on all these posts and see how far I've come,
how strong I've grown.

It's getting so difficult to smile.
Don't get me wrong - I smile all the time. I smile to myself when I hear a nice song come on.
I smile when I see an animal do something stupid.
But the instance that bubble bursts,
and I realise that I am not in some wonderland with dancing unicorns and blasting music,
I can't smile.
"Are you okay?"
'Yeah. I'll be fine'.
I can't even force out a fake smile.

I just want to hug the person and cry, and cry.
and cry.

Currently relying on meds to sleep once more.
Otherwise I'd be crying through the nights.
And well, that sucks.

Thankful for the things that I still find comfort in.
Otherwise I have no idea how I would still be staying strong, staying alive.

I feel like I'm in quicksand,
and just waiting for it to consume me.

I'll then hide in the darkness, forever.