Languorous.

Sosososososo tired.
Pretty much didn't really sleep yesterday
Hahahaha anyways.

Today I just went to school mainly for the CCA Fair
then a supposedly very fun dinner with Ascomanni.

So basically the CCA Fair was pretty fun actually.
Got a lot of names that joined SPSU :D

So skipping the CCA fair part of today, which was MOSTLY
good, then came some idiot who screwed my day up. HAHAH why.

So basically I enjoy the company of Ascomanni a lot.
They really do occupy a giant space in my heart.
That's prolly why I was kinda affected by whatever I'm gonna tell you .

So basically I planned the dinner for today. And the future Mondays.
Then like, one of our members had a meeting.
So like last week, we waited.
A few of the Ascomanni people haven't eaten since morning,
So I understand that we're hungry and stuff.
But the thing is that there wasn't any complaints of gastric whatsoever,
So I'd assume that it was okay to wait.

At first Captain was kinda impatient too.
Then I told him that one of our members are having a meeting so we should understand
If not like, imagine you go to a dinner after a meeting,
and everyone else has finished eating and are staring at you eat.
AWKWARD much?

So Captain was okay with waiting till 7.

Then came someone , okay we use his camp name initials. F.R
So basically F.R was being a crankyass .
Then like it was obvious that he was irritated by the tone of his voice.
He said "Why not we just go to FC 5 first then the rest can just come there"
Okay first things first.
It's "GO" not "COME" .
Still wanna say that the English of Shaowen's confessor very 'powderful'?
You're no better.
Okay anyways.

Then I was like, "Can you like, not be so .... [covers face while thinking of word ]... angst?"
Then suddenly jitao explode
' You don't know what is angst you shut up '
Then of course I'm taken aback and highly offended, so in my defence ,
"Maybe you should learn how to shut up if you can't speak nicely "
Then coz losing liao right? His reply
' I talking to him also not talking to you. Shut up lah'
I wanted so badly to fight back but nvm.
I am going to be the bigger person.
So I just said
"Enjoy your dinner" , grabbed my bag and went off.
Then a few members of Ascomanni chased me and tried to calm me down
and talk me out of going home and not going for the dinner.

Then I was trying to explain to them how like
I don't want the tension between F.R and myself to ruin the atmosphere of the dinner.
And plus I was legitimately pissed so I really needed time to calm down.
Then like, they somehow convinced me to go by saying
that if I don't eat with them, they won't eat either.

So we went to FC5. Then THANK GOD I SAW A FEW MEMBERS OF ADRIATIC THERE.
So bought our food, did our food cheer and all .
Then sat down. I quickly finished my food, then went to find Adriatic.
I felt so much more comfortable with them.
At least there was no tension whatsoever.

A few times I did consider going back to Ascomanni's table and talking to them
But I heard all the laughter and like, I didn't wanna go there and be a party pooper.
Afterall, I'm not that important. They still can have hella loadsa fun without me right.
HAhahahhaha.
So yeah, I just stayed with Adriatic all the way till picture time.
Hariz did come to sit beside me for a while and ask me what's wrong and try to get me to go back
And for a moment I felt that maybe I was important to Ascomanni.
But come on , who am I kidding. I ain't important to anyone.

I'm not posting the pictures coz I know I wasn't genuinely happy.

Like. I really just feel as if I don't belong in Ascomanni right now.
I'm just an extra replaceable piece.

Ohwell.
When am I not replaceable? HAHAHAH.

Okay yeah things at home are still shit. Ohwell life goes on

Thanks for reading!

Ask me questions HERE

because I have no life and I need a source of entertainment :3 .

Okay thankew so much for reading.
Sorry the past few posts have been so down.
It's just a really tough phase. But I know I'll get through it
and emerge stronger than ever.
I just really need a lot of support and love right now to get through this period.

Daddy wrote to me in the letter for FOC
"You can never taste victory before you taste defeat"
So.. I'm tasting defeat now but very soon I'll be victorious and happy.
I can't wait for that day to arrive.


Okay tata!

Bunny x

-Delora Aurelia Valkyrie

Enervated.

Hihi . So today's post won't be a very happy one.
HAHAHAH
So if you don't like sad posts, just click HERE
And spam all the nonsense kk :P


So basically. I've been going through my fair share of shit.
That I refuse to tell anyone. Because I think that I'm some greatass that can take in everything.
I am so wrong. But the thing is that. There's no turning back for me.
I didn't choose this. It chose me.

I'm so so so tired. And so drained.
And I just wish everything will just go away
And I could rewind time to before FOC period,
during the holidays.
Where the only thing I needed to worry about was
"What should be my camp name "

Now there's so much more.
And I really don't know how much more I can take.
Before I break down again.

I decided to open Huimin , Zahraa, Ishaq , Daddy and Mummy's letters for me
for FOC.

It was all about how they were proud of me for maturing and growing[ not physically ]
and how I should always keep smiling and doing what I do best.
And all I could do was start crying.

I've forgotten what it's like to have someone be proud of me.
Everyone around me, I've let down . One way or another.
The most important people in my life that I live to seek the approval of
and to meet the expectations of, I've let them down.
GPA 3.1 . So low. What the hell la Val.

I just want someone to be proud of me once again.
I know I sound like such a terrible person
But I'm really just in such a low point
And all I need is love.
It's such a simple term, but its so hard to acquire.


I'm so tired and I just wanna give up sometimes.
I keep telling myself not to breakdown because I need to be strong for others too.
But... How long can I last?

I just really need a hug and for someone to tell me it'll all be alright.
But then again. That's what I've been telling myself for so long.
It's just a line of empty promises to myself.
"You'll be alright Val. You'll be alright"
There's just so much going on.
And I don't know how much more I can take
before I crack again. Sigh.


Thanks for reading. Sorry that this isn't my usual happy post
Well coz somehow reality caught up with me again.
And Delora Aurelia no longer exists.

Delora Aurelia Valkyrie was the girl who smiled and laughed all the time.
Who pushed through all the toughness, telling people around her that they can do it too.
Who gave her best in everything she did. And would never let anyone pay for her mistakes.
She was strong. She was calm. She was composed.


She's everything Valerie isn't.

Valerie is a tired weak girl who's just wishing for a miracle to happen.
I need the Delora in me to revive and push once again.
I can't be this weak anymore.
And I don't want to.

I need to get up and be strong again.

-Delora Aurelia Valkyrie

I'M A SURVIVOR

HEYYY I survived the first week of school!

WHOOOOOOOO 

Okay so I'm very very very very proud to say

I ATTENDED EVERY SINGLE CLASS

Pat mahself on the back! Teehee

Anyways todays post won't be a like.. Extremely happy one

More of like self reflection and shit.

So basically, like things at home are kinda crappy.

And like. Things with a certain freshie also a bit.. Ugh

And also.. A group whereby I just felt so replaced in. 

Hahahahha

Anyways.

So I was going through a breakdown two nights ago. 

I really expected certain people to like, be there for me.

If I'm being brutally honest, then it'd be most of Ascomanni

Like, I naturally would think that they'd be there for me.

But like... The results were a little disappointing lah.

Just saying.

Especially from the Valkyrie.

Then like, even worse

There's a certain someone that I thought I could rely on

Like, she's been someone that I THOUGHT I could trust for 

about a year?

Yeah. Then suddenly when everything come crashing down, 

she disappears.

When I talk about like, other stuff such as gossip etc,

then suddenly appear again.

Then disappear when I need her.

Like, what kind of friend is that.

Honestly I'm so disappointed that I can't even.

Okay anyways that aside,

I'm really thankful for the following people who attempted

to cheer me up one way or another. It's actually a pretty long list

And I'm so blessed. I really am. 

Be it saying 'Cheerup' on twitter or actually calling me 

or even meeting me in real life just to give me a hug 

I'm so thankful for you guys. I really feel that there were people to catch me

this time I broke down.

So here's the list of blessings I have in my life

HWEE EN - Best friend of 9 years and counting, I love you to the moon and back

WEIZHANG - Angel/Bestfriend/Travel Buddy, I love you to the moon and back too!

ZUL - Someone that I treat like a sister more than a brother. HAHHAH <3 much love

JEAN LONG - I wouldn't ever expect him to be one of those who are there for me,

but he is and I'm really thankful for that <3 

VALERIE - Even though she doesn't say much, she sends a whatsapp to me to say

"Cheer up! " When I need it the most. And that means a lot to me (: <3 

NUH - I was surprised when he asked if I was okay. I really think he's actually

not as dumb and insensitive as he likes to show. He's a wonderful person (: I'm lucky to have him as a friend <3 

SHASTI - This Indian Hermit Crab has been there for me at my darkest times, I love him to bits and pieces <3 

MINGMIN - She's a wonderful girl who's there for me when I need it. I love love love her <3

GWEN - Always willing to listen and sympathise with me I love love love her too <3 

QUAN XI - One of my favourite nephews. I love him to bits. He's really nice and understanding

and willing to listen and cheer me up. He's so adorable. MUCH LOVE FROM AUNT <3 

JOY - Like her name, she brings Joy into my life. So glad to have known her . MUCH LOVE FROM AUNT <3 

VANESSA  - Another blessing from Adriatic, I honestly think I'll eventually get closer to her . HAHAHAHA Thank you for being there <3 

RYAN - SHOCKER. HAHAHAH But he really impressed and surprised me when he tweeted to me

Really saw a more matured side of him. Love ya bro <3 

SHAZZUAN - Simple thing such as a tweet to 'cheer up' , but it really meant a lot when I felt like giving up. (:

AMIRA - Same as the one above, but she does it with so much love and all. <3 Awww

KAMARUL - Hahahah he sent me a picture of a chapteh to cheer me up the next day. So nice of him. HAhhahaha Thank you (: 

Yeah so it's actually a really really really long list but I really am very very

thankful for each and every one of you who were there for me

while I was bawling my eyes out.

Sometimes even the happiest people need to break down (: 

And I'm glad I broke down and let it all out.

I feel relieved, and so much happier and less burdened (: 

Much much love.

Anyways I guess Imma stop my blog post here.

Thank you for reading tho it isn't much. HAHAHA 

And also thank you Adriatic for all the love you've showered me with

ever since I entered the chat <3 Love y'all :D 

I'll blog about more interesting stuff again soon! I promise.

Hahaha okay tata for now!

Thanks for reading! 

Bunny x 

I'd give anything to redo it all again. <3 

- Delora Aurelia Valkyrie

Stale cheese.

HELLO MY LOVELY READERS! 

Hahahaha okay so I promise today will be a happy post (: 

Any questions, direct them HERE . Entertain me. I have a boring life. HAHAH

So basically today is the first day of me being a Year 2 !

 """""WHOOOOO"""""""

[note that the whoo was hella sarcastic] 

ANYWAYS. So today began with a lecture by Koh Joh Ting. In which I was marked absent for

Ohwell. Great start to year 2 right . [flashes big wide sarcastic toothpaste adv smile] . 

Then there was a TA lecture in the Agency, I have no idea if it is now a permanent thing 

in our timetables. But if it is, it's damn shitty coz LT18B -> Agency

Not a very short walk. Might as well hold it in LT18B if you want a lecture right.

Anyways so after that was lunch. Had western from FC6.

THE FC SO DAMN PACKED AMG. 

Hahahah actually it always has been lah. After all, 12pm is lunch hour.

But yeah I'm kinda still in holiday mood.. so..

I DONT LIKE QUEUEING. WHERE GOT TIME. 

So after lunch we went to our Gen Ed classes

This year they realllyy split our classes. Only 2-3 from each class

will be in the same class.

At first I thought I kena same class as Timothy sia. Then I was like

".______. again?"

Then in the end I am actually in the same class as Swe.

But she didn't appear today so it was HELLLA awkward.

HAHAHAHA .

After Gen Ed was PR . 

T14 -> T21. 

Another looooooong walk . Sighpie.

They trying to get me to keep fit is it, keep walking back and forth.

Anyways PR was not that bad.

The lecturer is pretty nice and friendly and like,

she did touch a bit on PR.

So yay I guess I learned a bit.

Sorta.

Anyways, before I carry on.

Here's something that's like, not that happy but I really have to get off my chest.

In year 1, I had some rough patches with my class. I was an awkward turtle.

But this year I'm really trying to be less awkward and spend more time with you guys

And I hope I can eventually stop being an awkward turtle.

Thank you for being so accepting and being so nice today.

I really felt welcomed back into DMC 05. <3 

Y'all are the best <3 Really. 

Anyways so moving on.

After PR the rest of the class went home so I went to union

as I had dinner plans with Ascomanni.

Ahh can I just say how much I love Ascomanni

Like honestly when I first started with GP trainings

I really felt like quitting at some point because I really didn't bond with some people.

Then at the last training, I really was thinking if I wanted to carry on being a GP.

But I'm glad I just pushed through.

Now you guys really mean soso much to me.

Y'all have invaded my heart and occupied a giant space.

I hope we stay this close for as long as possible.

and I know that our schedules will just get busier and busier,

but I hope that we'll still try to make time for Ascomanni

and not let it die off.

#ascomanni4lyfe

Yeah so dinner with Ascomanni was AMAZING.

We first started with attempting to escape from CK, 

in which we eventually succeeded. Hehehehehehe 

Yes I'm so damn evil lmao I feel so mean but ohwell

CK helped to bond Ascomanni a lot ,

but unfortunately not in his favour.

Okay so after that we all dapao-ed our food and met up at FC5. 

Then we did our food cheer and got a whole buttload of judgmental stares.

But.. WHO CARES. #ASCOMANNIPRIDE BITCHES. HAHAH

Anyways so throughout dinner we all talked a lot and like.

Started talking about which freshie liking who and stuff.

HAHAHAH then suddenly there was a mini ceremony 

where Pavan was the judge and he officially declared Milora

as divorced [cues crying sound effect ] 

HAHAHAHA So after that 

suddenly there was this rage about Milo + Gabe

#GAYLO.

HAHAHAH ohwell Gay for Gabe! hahaha

Anyways so after that we started talking about camp ECs and crushes and all

and there was so much joy, love and laughter.

I'm really gonna miss this and I really hope it doesn't die down.

So yeah that pretty much was it for Day 1 of Year 2 . 

Can't believe I've been in SP for a year already.

Time flies so damn fast.

So yeah, 

PICTURE SPAM!! 

:D 

 

First up - ASCOMANNI GROUP PICTURES <3 

Next up - The Valkyrie that attended the dinner .

HEHEHEH I love my Valkyrie babies

[which do include GPIC and AGPIC]

to bits and pieces

Okay before I go any further, 

YES I chopped off my chapteh hair

And I now have a full head of red hair. 

AHAHAHAHAHA okay like some ahlian .

But I went into the salon and said 

"Any length, any colour, I trust you"

And that's the end results.

HAHAHAH okay lah not that bad when it's tied up

When it's not tied up... Look like lion .

Oh well . HAHAHAHAH 

So last but not least, Milora pictures. 

Glendon helped me to edit one and I edited the other

Because it was waaaaay too dark .

So.. TADAH. 

The last of Milora

So yeah. Thank you Milo. 

It was an awesome experience being your GP wife.

Maybe if we become senior GPs next year we'll be married again somehow

HAHAHAHAH we shall see ;) 

So today before he went to catch his bus at Bedok Inter,

we hugged goodbye and before we like, broke the hug

He said

"Bye Milora"

And then we broke the hug 

All I could do was smile back and say 

"Bye Milora"

sorta cheerfully, back .

But at that moment, there was a part of me that wished that Milora didn't have to divorce.

Afterall , we've been through a lot of ups and downs and a lot of shit, even as GPs,

and as a 'couple'.

It's kinda hard to just let that all go and call him "Nufail" again.

HAHAHA . No more 'Oto' , no more 'he's my husband'.

It'll be different. But hey, we'll always be awesome friends :P

Hahaha really like some breakup post ah

But no feelings attached.

Okay, got feelings but not THAT kind of feelings okay.

HAHAHAHAH 

Okay that's all.

Thankew for reading !

Bunny x

MISSING MY CHAPTEH HAIR SOSO MUCH. HAAHHA 

-Delora Aurelia Valkyrie

Benevolent

So my last post was in February ! Sorry I haven't posted in a while

Coz I was so sure no one reads my blog but apparently people do.

And I'm insanely thankful for you, dear reader, who takes time off to read about my rantings

and all that nonsense

So basically I've been really busy with FOC. 

FOC = Freshmen Orientation Camp

So yeah. I was a GP for SPSU's FOC

#Ascomannipride 

#Valkyrie

But I'll probably dedicate a whole post to the FOCs.

IF I EVER GET AROUND TO DOING IT. TEEHEE

And also, I was a GL for CASS FOC

#VICTORSANYHOWWHISTLE

I don't have pictures in my lappy at the moment,

So I'll probably upload them in another post.

Or maybe not. TEEHEE 

Okay so for today's post. I'm basically just gonna ramble.

AS USUAL

So honestly.. Through the past few weeks. I think I'm being a narcissistic bitch for saying this,

but I think it's finally time that I learned how to put MYSELF first.

Yes I know right, what a narcissistic thing to say.

But hear me out first.

So basically I'm supposed to be involved in an event.

Then they said the other dates were essential,

but nothing much about the day before the event itself.

Fine, maybe it's my fault that I didn't ask clearly first.

But the thing is that one night mama bunny came into my room

and asked if I wanna go to Zhu Hai with Hwin, Hwin's mum and her.

Of course I said yes!

Mama bunny and I have been going through rather rough patches lately.

So obviously I wouldn't pass up this opportunity to like, have mother-daughter time

So I fly off at 6am++ on 15th April.

But I knew I had the event to come back for. So I tried to get a flight to come back 2 days

before the event, but I couldn't find one. And the flights to come back one day before the event

cost like $400-$600 PER TICKET.

Siao right?

So I finally convinced my mum to book a night flight. 

and reach Singapore at 1:30++am , day 1 of the event

JUST SO I DON'T DITCH THE PEOPLE WHO HAD CHOSEN ME FOR THE EVENT

But what happens?

THEY KICK ME OUT 

And are refusing to meet me halfway.

EXCUSE ME WHAT?

Honestly right now I'm just like WHYYYY DID I BOTHER PUTTING THEM AND THEIR

EVENT FIRST?

I should've just came back on the last day of holiday like I was supposed to 

but NOOOOOOOOO I went to think of them and booked an early flight

$300 per ticket. Me + my mama = $600 fly.

Tell me not to be pissed that they weren't willing to meet me halfway

WHAT THE HECK MAN.

So honestly, at this moment.

FRIENDSHIP = OVER. 

Sounds damn immature. But I'm so damn angry and disappointed

and how unreasonable they are being.

And can still tell me "No hard feelings"

NO. FUCKING. WAY.

I just spent $600 to fly back to help you.

And you kick me out and tell me "No hard feelings"?

GO AND BANG A CACTUS PLEASE.

Honestly I don't even know why I bothered putting them first

Since they didn't even bother about me.

Fuck you people == 

Okay yeah so my rambling stops here.

I know I really do sound like some narcissistic bitch, 

wanting people to cater to me.

But the thing is , if I'm willing to meet you halfway,

Why can't you do the same?

Am I asking too much?

Sometimes I honestly ought to put myself first.

And this experience has really thought me that.

Sometimes. Being nice has NO benefits.

So I'm just gonna learn from this.

And if I'm not as nice as I was before,

then too damn bad.

Because I tried being nice and it doesn't work.

Just need to learn to do what makes ME happy.

Unfortunately, it's seeing others happy that makes me happy.

But I'm just gonna try to put myself first sometimes.

I think I should.

If you disagree, feel free to scream at me HERE

I promise not to ignore you.

Nonetheless, thankew for reading this shitass rambly post.

Just really had to get this off my chest coz it was just so disappointing

And not to mention hurtful >< 

Okay tata for now!

Thanks for reading!

Bunny x

Miss my chapteh hair. Cutting it on monday. Boohoo