Enervated.

Hihi . So today's post won't be a very happy one.
HAHAHAH
So if you don't like sad posts, just click HERE
And spam all the nonsense kk :P


So basically. I've been going through my fair share of shit.
That I refuse to tell anyone. Because I think that I'm some greatass that can take in everything.
I am so wrong. But the thing is that. There's no turning back for me.
I didn't choose this. It chose me.

I'm so so so tired. And so drained.
And I just wish everything will just go away
And I could rewind time to before FOC period,
during the holidays.
Where the only thing I needed to worry about was
"What should be my camp name "

Now there's so much more.
And I really don't know how much more I can take.
Before I break down again.

I decided to open Huimin , Zahraa, Ishaq , Daddy and Mummy's letters for me
for FOC.

It was all about how they were proud of me for maturing and growing[ not physically ]
and how I should always keep smiling and doing what I do best.
And all I could do was start crying.

I've forgotten what it's like to have someone be proud of me.
Everyone around me, I've let down . One way or another.
The most important people in my life that I live to seek the approval of
and to meet the expectations of, I've let them down.
GPA 3.1 . So low. What the hell la Val.

I just want someone to be proud of me once again.
I know I sound like such a terrible person
But I'm really just in such a low point
And all I need is love.
It's such a simple term, but its so hard to acquire.


I'm so tired and I just wanna give up sometimes.
I keep telling myself not to breakdown because I need to be strong for others too.
But... How long can I last?

I just really need a hug and for someone to tell me it'll all be alright.
But then again. That's what I've been telling myself for so long.
It's just a line of empty promises to myself.
"You'll be alright Val. You'll be alright"
There's just so much going on.
And I don't know how much more I can take
before I crack again. Sigh.


Thanks for reading. Sorry that this isn't my usual happy post
Well coz somehow reality caught up with me again.
And Delora Aurelia no longer exists.

Delora Aurelia Valkyrie was the girl who smiled and laughed all the time.
Who pushed through all the toughness, telling people around her that they can do it too.
Who gave her best in everything she did. And would never let anyone pay for her mistakes.
She was strong. She was calm. She was composed.


She's everything Valerie isn't.

Valerie is a tired weak girl who's just wishing for a miracle to happen.
I need the Delora in me to revive and push once again.
I can't be this weak anymore.
And I don't want to.

I need to get up and be strong again.

-Delora Aurelia Valkyrie